motherly musings

I'm back to being a full-time mom, except for today as I'm subbing and have a moment to reflect on life these days. I like being home again. It feels great, in every way. I love being in pyjamas until at least 9am, I love sitting and reading to the boys, snuggling and not looking at the clock, sitting on the floor playing with magnets, and watching them play contentedly as I do some blanket stitching. I feel like I've finally gotten to a point where I genuinely like my kids, nearly all the time. That probably sounds horrible in a sense, but parenting is just not an easy job. I still get frustrated at the many spills and messes, the toddler temper tantrums which are becoming quite frequent with little Sam, and all manner of irrationality that abounds, but on the whole, life has gotten easier. I think one thing I've noticed since being home again is that Luke seems a lot more settled. During Sammy's nap he will often just play by himself in his own little world, creating stories and talking out loud, oblivious to anything else. It's beautiful to see. A contented child is a mother's dream. I think my attachment to them has grown a bit more too...last night we dropped them off at my mom's for the night and they both didn't want us to leave and I had a few tears as we drove away...my mom was babysitting today while I sub so it was just easier, but I'm getting quite used to having these little guys around and am not used to days without them. What a gushy post so far, yeesh! It's not all roses, let me assure you. Here are some ponderings and questions to you, my readers and experienced parents!!
Luke is starting to talk a lot about "scary guys". He is entering into the realm of childhood fears and I don't like it. We watched "The Incredibles" with him a few weeks ago, after much begging on his part, and Julio and I both realized this is completely NOT a kid's show! Ever since that he's been afraid that bad guys are going to kill people and be in our backyard and in the basement and I just feel horrible about it. What to do?!? Is this normal growth or have we permanently wrecked him? He's a sensitive kid and it just makes me sad that he has to have these fears. He asked me to put our baby gate up yesterday to keep the bad guys in the basement, and brought the gate to me and was explaining all this to me as I was on the phone so I started to try and hook up the gate which is really not easy with the phone in the crick of your neck and I finally lost it and said, "we don't have a baby here! we don't need a baby gate!!!" Oh, lovely irrationality, how familiar you are to me.
And just to keep things well-rounded, Sammy has issues too. He's a little toddler bully it turns out. I'm saying that a little tongue-in-cheek as I don't really believe that or want to label him as such, and really he is so tender and sweet too, but I suppose after months of trying to hold your own with a 3-year-old, it has reprecussions with his peers. We had playdates twice this week with kids Sammy's age, and he was just plain not nice. Lots of pulling, pushing, grabbing and a bit of hitting thrown in for good measure. I honestly think he's more comfortable with 3-year-olds than kids his age. He's built like a truck, too, so he's pretty good at winning the toy battles which isn't necessarily a good thing. So what to do?!? Should I intervene all the time or let nature take it's course? Not that I want him pushing, etc, but how much do you let kids solve their own problems at that age, especially as I know he wouldn't be able to really hurt anyone, and how much to intervene? Thoughts on this are appreciated as well...it is truly a dilemma for me! Parenting the second time around definitely looks a little different, I'll say that. I definitely remember being more protective and worried about Luke when other kids were around, and sometimes feel bad that I don't hover around Samuel more, and am sometimes glad I don't.
On the whole, I have to say that I'm enjoying this phase of motherhood the most so far, probably especially for all the nice chats with Luke. He is getting to be so much fun to be around, loves to help out and has a real tenderness about him that I just marvel at and love. The other day Sammy wanted yogurt and Luke said, "I'll get it for him mom" and proceeded to take out the yogurt, a spoon, peel the yogurt lid and told Sammy in his patronizing baby voice, "get into your chair Sammy" and gave him his snack. It's not all roses, but life is pretty good and I am thankful.